It is ironical that I am writing about silence on a blog. Is not blogging itself a ranting affair, I mean bloggers are noise makers. We make noise about everything. We make noise about anything, yet I wanna write about silence. A silence that is of a different kind.
We see things happen right in front of our eyes. We know they are happening but we choose not to talk about them. We feign ignorance sometimes we want to appear the ones who have no clue even of the simplest things about life. We are fully aware that these things make us worry, are painful to the heart and soul but then we look at them and smile as we mutter in even a deeper silence. “it is OK.”
We stare at excuses given to us in the name of reasons for decisions made by our most beloved people. We look at words written to us from hearts that we cherish that cause our eyelids open even wider. We know that these words have something else behind them. A dark shadow that we know darkens our lives. A shadow that we know has deep seated secrets that pinch raw emotions from our hearts yet we choose not to talk about them, in even a louder silence we mumble, “it is OK.”
We paint perfect scenarios for the world to see yet deep in our hearts we are crumbling. Things are falling apart. All we wish for is to clutch someones hand and hold them so tight and scream, “Please help.” We keep a job for the money and forgo the fact that it is a nightmare in our hearts every single time we sit behind that desk. We keep a face, we keep a look we keep an attitude and a composure that says all is more than O.K yet we know deep that all we wanna do is whisper to someone, “I am weak, I am crushed, please hold me.” but we do not, we crucify ourselves on our self made cross of self importance and grind our teeth and say, “it is OK.”
I write this piece for you my beloved brother. You have suffered what I consider the most cruel pain of all times. When I look at you right now I just wonder what would have happened had you chosen to say something, even a weak whisper in your brother’s ear. Now you feel cheated, you feel mistreated and taken granted for. I agree she would have been honest with you that she was seeing another when you were not around. Brother, you saw all the signs, they were right there but you chose to ignore them. You chose not to talk about the excuses to be away, you chose not talk about the long unexplained calls, you chose not to talk about the many ‘friends’ that surrounded her, you chose not to talk about your gut feelings and she saw a lee way every time you said, it is O.K. That is where I blame you, that one is on you because you clicked and chose the option, SILENCE.
I celebrate you though on one thing my dear kin. On this one thing you become my hero, that you knew, that you knew that it was happening and yet you kept quite about it. You knew what she was doing when you were away yet you still chose to love and to hope. That I ought to learn from you. That when she thought she was being clever you played the fool of all fools despite being the wisest man I know on the universe. On one side you have lost, on the other in your silence God has fought for you. In fact as she did what she was doing, God through His angels was fighting for you every time you chose to say, it is OK, every time you clicked and chose the option, SILENCE
FOR THE BROTHER WHOM I LOVE MOST.
We will eat nyama choma and you will brace up to face tomorrow…